The last two weeks I haven’t been in the right state of mind, I’ve been withdrawing from my medications and haven’t been sleeping because of it. I’m just so physically and mentally exhausted, like beyond what I usually am. It’s been about a year since I started taking medications for my mental health disorders and now I’m withdrawing from them literally a year later.
In a way, I’m happy about this. I never wanted to be medicated, and I came to find out that the one drug I’m on, Seroquel, is actually bad for you in the long term sense. It has such horrible long lasting side effect, that affects your memory, weight gain(increased hunger), irritability and mood swings. In regards to side effects of taking Seroquel, I also have trouble thinking and speaking, dry mouth, headaches and irritability(don’t believe me, ask Becca lol.)
When I first started taking medications for my mental health disorders again, I was relieved because I was in such a bad place mentally that I just wanted to feel numb for a change. I was in such a crappy relationship on top of it, that I didn’t know if it was my situation or my mental health. Thank God, that relationship is over though. I mean it had it’s good parts but it was toxic.
When I first took antidepressants when I was a teenager, they made me sleep all day and made me numb. They were forced down my throat then and I didn’t have a choice. I was nervous about going back on them, because of how they made me feel the first two times. I never wanted to be medicated again, but my mental health got to the point where I was miserable and was having such bad crying spells.
The last year has come with a lot of changes in my life, with my mental health at least. I’ve tried to better myself mentally this past year and learn more about my triggers and such. I’ve learned that sometimes the littlest things can set me off can set me into a mania if I’m not careful. I’ve learned that people’s attitudes and actions towards me can set me off. I’ve also learned that toxic environments and people don’t deserve my time. AT ALL. All it will do is make my mental health decline and put me in a state of mania. I deserve the world, even though I don’t always see or think that.
I deserve respect. Period.
Daily Dose of Bipolar 